The idea for this blog has come from one of my current Mother of the Groom clients. At a recent fitting for her outfit she asked me why the Mother of the Bride is seen as more important than the Mother of the Groom in terms of wedding étiquette. She had noticed when she was looking for her outfit that boutiques and designers advertise Mother of the Bride outfits and assume Mothers of the Groom will realise they are included.

I am making her a beautiful silk chiffon floral dress and silk linen riding style jacket with lace shawl collar and cuffs. She is so excited by her first taste of couture and loves every visit to me, yet every time she mentions her outfit to people they ask her what the mother of the bride is wearing. This is because the importance of Mother of the Bride is a long established tradition and somehow this has carried over in people’s minds.

Wendy, mother of the groom wearing Elizabeth Bessant couture, lace dress, silk jacket and matching accessories

Becki, step mother of the groom wearing Elizabeth Bessant couture wool tweed dress and jacket

However here are some duties that are traditionally the domain of the groom’s parents:

1. Custom dictates that the groom’s parents host the wedding rehearsal dinner. It is a good idea to discuss this with the bride and groom to find a suitable location and venue that works for everyone.

2. Traditionally the groom’s parents make contact with the bride’s parents after their son has announced the engagement. It could be a note or a phone call to invite them for drinks or dinner.

3. Usually the bride will assign tasks so you may be asked to help especially if you have a particular skill. Jessica, one of my brides loves everything Japanese and asked Mother of the Groom, Paula, to make her 180 origami lotus flowers to hold sugared almonds for the favors.

4. Then there is the mother and son dance, a touching tradition and a chance for your son to demonstrate how important you are to him. Often the song for the dance will be chosen together. Normally the dance will take place towards the end of the reception but before cutting the cake.

I must admit many of these traditions have become somewhat muddied over time as couples do things their way. But the fact is it’s your son’s wedding and you are special part of the day. If you are asked to help that is good but don’t feel left out if the bride and her mother want to do things their way. It is important to get off to a good start with your son’s soon to be in laws – and all eyes will be on you as you play your part.