If the wedding is in church it may be hard but as a step-mother you will be two or three rows back…and at the wedding breakfast you will sit at a guests’ table.

This may be hurtful but it helps to remember whose day it is – I’ve been there and it is much easier if you keep the point of the day in focus. And since eyes will be on you, it is also important not to drink too much!

Then there is the dress code! It is the mother of the bride’s privilege to choose the colour of her outfit first, along with hat or no-hat etiquette in line with her daughter’s wishes.

Then the mother of the groom will choose the colour for her outfit. Both mothers need to bear in mind the colour of the bridesmaids’ dresses…and then finally it is your turn.

In some cases when parents have remarried and remained on amicable terms, the bride and groom might want their parents to sit with current spouses – so there might be four sets of parents at the top table. If this is the case, my advice would be to choose an outfit that complements the mother of the bride…but again do not upstage her.

Generally I would suggest a soft subdued colour would be best and avoiding white, black or red unless it is a themed wedding where guest have been asked to dress to suit the theme. For example, if it is an Art Deco wedding black and white would be appropriate.

Family group photos can also be a minefield so take a back seat and wait for the signal. The bride will have given the photographer a list of the photos she would like and if you are not called upon just make your way to the final family or guest group photo, if there is one, and don’t stand out too prominently.