Mother of the Bride outfit – getting it right

Choosing a mother of the bride outfit can be really stressful and at times overwhelming. It’s not just you who gets to decide on your look, it’s your daughter’s day and she will have a vision of how she wants you to look. Good communication between the bride and her mother will help but even so trying to balance what suits you with what she wants can be challenging.

Loraine, Mother of Bride wearing Elizabeth Bessant couture duck egg silk/linen dress and jacket

A mother of the bride came to see me for some advice recently. She had spent two days going round shops in Mayfair but no luck.

She explained that ideally, she would like an outfit in her favourite blush pink but that her daughter didn’t want her to wear the same colour as the bridesmaids.

She had then spent time seriously considering a cream dress and jacket, but again that didn’t fit her daughter’s vision.

Then she started down the designer route but had lost confidence that she would get the outfit of her dreams and was about to hit the big department stores again. It was all getting very frustrating…

Does this sound familiar? If you are in this situation, first sit down and talk to your daughter – and keep on talking to her every step of the way. This may sound obvious but working together will ensure you both like the final choice of mother of the bride outfit.

Don’t be afraid to tell her if she is suggesting something you don’t like – or better still suggest a compromise.

For instance, if the bride suggests you wear powder blue and it’s not a colour you think would suit you then duck egg blue may look better. It’s more sophisticated and suits older skins.

Tihomira, Mother of the Bride wearing Elizabeth Bessant couture long dress

Always, always look at your choice of colour alongside the bride’s and bridesmaids’ dresses. Even if your daughter wants you to wear a colour that contrasts, the tone needs to be right.

For instance, if the bridesmaids are wearing blush pink, a powder blue might look too fresh while duck egg blue will complement that tone of the pink.

There is a lot to think about and the pressure is on… As mother of the bride you will be part of so many special moments. All eyes will be on you when you walk into the ceremony, greet the guests at the reception and take part in the photo lineups.

This will probably be the most important outfit you will buy since your own wedding dress which is why a designer can help.

But your relationship with your designer and how they interpret your ideas is crucial. If you decide to take the couture route a recommendation is always a positive but still meet the designer. It’s important you choose a designer who you feel comfortable with and who will listen to your ideas and concerns. When a potential client comes to see me I will spend time getting to know them over coffee. This gives me the opportunity to understand their event, likes and dislikes because it is a partnership and both designer and client need to feel comfortable.

Wendy, Mother of Groom wearing Elizabeth Bessant couture mint lace dress and silk jacket

When you commission a designer generally they will ask for a 50% deposit and this is normally non-refundable because customised patterns and toiles will be made for you. So make sure you know what you are committing to. If you pull out most designers would not expect you to pay the balance unless they have committed to buying the fabric. Speak to your chosen designer about their terms and conditions so you don’t get caught out. Make sure you understand what is included in the price, ask what happens if you lose weight or want to make changes to your outfit. Don’t assume anything as every designer works differently.

Remember you don’t have to look frumpy or conservative as mother of the bride but at the same time you don’t want to upstage your daughter – she is the bride and rightly should be the centre of attention. There are plenty of options to look glamorous without going over the top and a good designer will help you get the balance right.

I offer a free no obligation consultation and am happy to advise on all aspects of the couture process and costings. A good designer wants all their clients to be happy because recommendations are very important as are their clients’ events.

The next big question is hat or no hat and this is something that the bride normally stipulates. Time of day, the season and the location will all influence your choice of outfit. A church wedding normally requires a dress and jacket or coat, whereas an early evening wedding may call for a cocktail or long dress. There are so many possibilities – and this only increases the pressure to get it right.

I would advise starting to look for your outfit at least six months before the wedding day so you aren’t forced into buying something you know isn’t right because you have run out of time. If you are lucky enough to find something off the peg you will still probably need time to schedule fittings and alterations. But if you don’t find your dream outfit you will still have time to have something made. If you can stretch to a couture outfit you won’t regret it. The experience of having a beautifully fitting outfit made especially for you in a luxurious fabric will make you feel confident – and importantly you will be sure no one else will be wearing the same as you…