Deciding who in your family and close circle of friends is to be your bridesmaids can be difficult as toes are so easily trodden on if you over look someone who expects to be asked. Traditionally brides would have 2 or 3 bridesmaids and a flower girl.These roles would go to sister or sisters, a close friend and the groom’s sister. It was all about etiquette, diplomacy and family unity.

Now many brides solve the issue of who to ask by including everyone – numbers can often go into double figures. This brings its own challenges of cost, logistics and choosing a style or colour for the dresses that will suit all the bridesmaids.

Amy’s bridesmaids were her 2 sisters and cousins keeping it in the family. Bridesmaid dresses by Elizabeth Bessant couture

Sarah’s bridesmaids were her 2 sisters. Bridesmaid dresses by Elizabeth Bessant couture

So how do you prioritise who to ask without causing a rift in your family or friendship group

1. Decide who is paying for the bridesmaids dresses and as this could take a significant chunk of your wedding budget if you are planning to ask a large number. If you are asking them to contribute or pay for their dress be sensitive about who will be able to afford it. And if you don’t have the budget to pay for the dresses it is unfair to insist on a particular dress, maybe just stipulate the colour.

2. Be mindful that if your parents are paying for the wedding they will want your siblings involved and that means a bridesmaid invitation for the girls and flower girl for any grand daughters.

Sarah and her fiancé did not have any sister so she chose a family friend as her bridesmaid. Bridesmaid dress by Elizabeth Bessant couture

3. If your fiancé has a sister and you get on well she may expect to be a bridesmaid. Unless there is a genuine reason not to ask her it would be a nice gesture that would mean a lot to your future mother in law and sister in law.

4. Deciding whether to ask cousins is often dependant on the relationship you and your family have with your wider family. Cousins – even those you get on with well – don’t generally assume they will be asked.

5. And then there are university and work friends. If you feel your bridesmaid group is getting just too big then make a decision and explain your rationale kindly to anyone you feel might have expected to be asked.

6. Remember it is your special day but your relationships with those closest to you need to be looked after as feelings tend to run high when it comes to a wedding.

Once you have chosen your bridesmaids if you would like any advice on dressing them please email me [email protected]